If you are taking your Victorian wife to a Car Wash for the first time, it’s a good idea to explain beforehand that the long blue furry cloths banging on the windows are not aliens trying to abduct her.

This will give you more time to think of a reason why both of you are suddenly transported to a Palace on Mars where Time stands still and you’re surrounded by twelve strangely magical statues of mythological Gods.

Luckily Mr Puddlewick, a bank teller from Threadneedle Street is on hand to help. Even though he has no idea, after attending a lecture by Mr Tesla in New York on communicating with Mars, why he is there.

All he knows, apart from what is behind the frescos on the walls of the Palace, is that he found a strange device which had a picture of Elizabeth and I with a message “Ring Urquhart”. So, he pressed the Red Button.

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